Mood:
incredulousNow Playing: Trashy French Talk Show
Topic: planet Miss O
Bonsoir Darlings -
This just in: a jaw-dropping example of the S-O-D in full effect. Miss O is not easily shocked, but this...I *wish* I could make this kind of thing up. Read on.
I have just returned home from a vulgar, obscene, over-the-top dinner with a dear friend and her new beau. I'm not telling you about the meal in order to brag, simply to illustrate that I did not trust my eyes or the rest of my senses after such an extravagant culinary experience (too much truffle oil affects the reasoning area of the brain. Ok, it hasn't been scientifically proven, but trust me on this).
Unsuspecting, I open my inbox to find this...treasure. And I quote:
"Hi [Miss O], I was cleaning up my email folder and saw your message. I don't think we had the chance to get acquainted. I am not sure if you're still single or not but if you are, do you have an interest to speak by phone and make plans to meet soon, maybe even spend the coming weekend together or the following one? I am being genuine about this so let me know. Where do you live by the way and what's your phone number to call you, assuming you're interested to hear from me."
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. Attached was an e-mail exchange from, wait for it...2006!!!!!
OK, where do I start?
A. Gotta give a guy credit for trying.
But B. You must be crazy thinking you can ask me out for the weekend on Thursday. Girl, please.
Moreover C. You're asking me out for New Years Eve on December 30th? Bitch, I know you just didn't.
Mostly D. You last contacted me in Two thousand-fucking-SIX. Have I been in a coma for four years? Have YOU?
You can bet your Darling asses, I will respond. It won't be as scathing as you might imagine.
Something like: Dear Person, thank you for your note which I read with...horror/shock/amusement. Perhaps you have been in the witness protection program for the last four years, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt for the egregious delay. Where do I live, by the way? In FRANCE. Alas, I am not single. I am married and my husband carries a gun. No, I'm not kidding. Best of luck in your future romantic pursuits. Might I suggest that a timely response is more effective than one that is FOUR YEARS LATE? Cordially, Miss O
You're welcome, Darlings.
Miss O, telling it like it is since 1988.
